What is the deal with wings and the Big Game? Did I miss something? Was a law passed? An Act of Congress? A Constitutional amendment? Who decided that everyone had to eat chicken wings and nothing else, in front of a television whenever the Big Game is on?
My God, it’s everywhere you look. Every third coupon in my Sunday paper shows platters of wings, plates of wings, wings piled to the ceiling. Sometimes even a little bowl of blue cheese dressing. Somebody somewhere really wants us all to eat wings, and plenty of ’em, during this game. Was there ever a time, I wonder, when it was all right NOT to eat wings?
Yes, my mind tells me. There was something called “popcorn” and “chips”. There may have been “dip”, although that sounds odd. These were possibly eaten during the Big Game. Maybe even actual food, like a meal.
I dunno. I guess I’m not crazy about wings. When I order Chinese food, the wings are usually the last thing I eat. There’s not much meat on there, but many bones. Lots of work for very little reward. And I think I’ve tried the extra hot, spicy, bright red kind. But it’s not really food, is it? Can anyone eat more than one or two? Could anyone really eat these for three plus hours during a game?
What about vegetables? What about the four food groups? Should we forget everything we learned about nutrition just because a Big Game is on?
Maybe I should lighten up and go with the flow. I might feel more normal, somehow, if I can rustle up some wings for the game. I’ll go see the Number One movie in America, whatever it is. I’ll read the latest James Patterson novel, whoever he is. I’ll spend my life savings for one of those huge Ford trucks, even if my commute to the office is six miles round trip and I don’t have any “payloads” to haul around. Yee-ha!
With the brainwashing complete, I feel better already. Tucking my oversized napkin under my chin as my eyes glaze over in anticipation. Turn on the game, and bring on those wings!