Fun with Clichés and Resolutions

I resolve in the coming year to give life my all. I will be all things to all men, and never be all thumbs or all wet. Despite the fact that all’s fair in love and war, I won’t declare all-out war on my fellow man. Becoming a better person will be all in a day’s work, with all due respect.

I pledge to go not just forward, but back! Back to square one. Back to the drawing board. And in a pinch, back to the salt mines. No back seat driving for me, even if my back is to the wall

Maybe I’ll get that big job. Then I’ll be a big cheese, a big honcho, even too big for my britches. But I won’t be a big shot or a big spender, oh no. Because the bigger they come, the harder they fall. Oh yeah, big time.

Even a modest guy like me needs to blow his own horn now and then. But I will do my best not to blow off steam, blow my stack, or blow anything to smithereens. And I’m not just blowing hot air.

I won’t burn my bridges behind me. I will strive to burn the midnight oil without burning the candle at both ends. The burning question remains: Is this enough?

No. I must resolve to do even more.

Let me cut to the quick, cut the mustard, cut and run. I won’t cut off my nose to spite my face; that cuts no ice with me. My new behaviors will soon become cut and dried. People will say, “I like the cut of his jib.”

I plan to go places. Go the whole hog. Go round Robin Hood’s barn. Go along for the ride. But I won’t go against the grain, go bananas, or give you the go-around. If I do happen to slip and go off half-cocked, I resolve to go like the wind to more saintly ways.

I want to keep things too. Keep my shirt on, keep my powder dry, and keep my head above water. If I keep my eyes peeled and fingers crossed, I may even keep up with the Joneses. But keep that under your hat, okay?

Let me say this: I will let sleeping dogs lie, let cats out of the bag, let it all hang out. I say to you, let’s get this show on the road! I won’t let those opportunities slip through my fingers again, let me tell you.

I’ve always wanted to make things. Make the grade, make tracks, and make hay while the sun shines. I’ll write a spooky ghost story that will make your hair stand on end. Or perhaps a delicious recipe to make your mouth water. Guess I’ll keep my day job though, if I want to make ends meet.

I will learn to say No. No news is good news, so I’ll say “no way” to a no-win situation. Hey, I’m no slouch. It’s a no-brainer.

Play is just as important as work. I will play fast and loose, play musical chairs, and if I play my cards right, I’ll play my trump card. When in doubt, I’ll play it by ear.

I will follow the advice of Dr. Peter and use Pull to get what I want. I will pull strings, pull out all the stops, and pull myself up by my bootstraps. In desperate circumstances, I might even pull a rabbit out of my hat. Can I pull it off? I wouldn’t pull your leg.

I used to run two miles a day. But my knees complained, so instead I will run the gauntlet, run off at the mouth, and run rings around my competitors. I won’t be run of the mill, or run amok. Where do I get my stamina? It runs in the blood.

I pledge to stick to things. Stick to my guns, stick to my last, be a stickler for the rules. I won’t be a stick in the mud, even if I encounter a sticky wicket. But maybe I’m sticking my neck out.

Walking is great exercise and will help me live longer. I’ll walk on eggshells, walk on air, and possibly walk the plank. (I realize I’m walking a fine line here.) I’ll walk a mile in the other fellow’s moccasins. I will add to my knowledge each day, until I become a Walking Encyclopedia.

But enough about me. What about you? You can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear, and you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. So I’ll leave it to you to make your own resolutions. Since my advice is free, you get what you pay for. You can bet your bottom dollar that you can’t win ’em all.

Will I keep my resolutions throughout the new year? Will my resolve crack?

Your cliché is as good as mine.

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About meremention

Resident of the Granite State, I am a freelance writer who also toils as a research analyst.
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